Sound of insanity
a theatre play in one act



by Arne Duesterhoeft



















24.03.2011
Register of persons

George!
George?
Georgia1
Georgia2
Georgia3
whispering Woman
Raging woman


























Scene

George? is lying faced down to the ground with an enormous head wound caused by a gun shot. Next to him lies a pistol. Behind him is a big screen where George! appears on. Both people look exactly the same, with the same appearance and the same cloth, apart from the head wound.

George!: Suicide. Murder. Murder. Suicide.
George?: Suicide.
George!: Murder.
George?: Murder.
George!: Suicide. Rotten flesh, bones, blood. In sweat and mud. Covered by dirt and dust. Died in dignity. Spending death in his own excrements. Shivering, shacking, crawling for mercy. Unheard, unseen, but smelled. Badly Smelled. Tasted. Salty. Tees smashing crunchy worms, dry earth, rotten flesh, bones, blood. Covered by dirt and dust. In sweat and mud. Bugs obsessing the place where the consciousness used to be. Flies harvesting the space where we located the soul. But it is gone anyway. It is gone. Never been there. Or here. What is left is lying head faced down to the ground. Unable to breath, but unable to breath anyway. Faced down to the ground. Static ground. Solid ground. Adamant. Solid as a rock. Do not make room for this body. Do not let the dead poison your realms. His spoiled fluids dripping in your precious water. Yours is yours, mine is mine. Rotten flesh, to rotten flesh, bones, blood. Cover me with dirt and dust. In sweat and mud. Leave him here. Leave him to me. I will stay with him. I will care for him. I wouldn't slaughter him again, as he did before, as I did before. We did what we had to. We saved us. We saved the world. Our world. Leave him to me. Leave him to me, but leave. Leave us to ourselves. In dignity. Dignity at last. He got what I lost. He took it from me. With him it is gone. But I will find it. I will find it in his organs, in his veins, maybe. I will look for it in any single blood cell of his body. Of my body. It has to be somewhere.

George! Disappears from the screen and comes on stage, next to George? With a knife in his hand. Approaching George? Going down on his knees beside him, looking down on him. The knife put next to the pistol.

George!: It has to be somewhere. Tell me where it is.
George?: I can only tell what rotten flesh can tell. Rotten flesh, bones, blood. In sweat and mud. Covered by dirt and dust. But I remember a time different from the time now. A time where I knew nothing but myself. Yourself. I found a short cut. You found a short cut. My way out of the misery. Now I am here for you to find yours. You are on your own to find it. But I am here with you to find it. Do not wait do not hustle do not trust someone else to do the work for you. There is no one giving you redemption, there is no one giving forgiveness. Even if you seek it. I forgive you, as you forgive me. But we only know what we make us believe to know. Believe in what you know! I will make you believe in redemption, in forgiveness. If it is in you. Look if it is in you. Redemption of blood, forgiveness of flesh. Ripping it off from the bones of what you believe to be true.
George!: I cover myself in sweat and mud. In dirt and dust. Here: your body lying in front of me. Faced down to the ground. My body lying in front of me. Faced down to the ground. The head wound. Witness of our relation.

George! is grabbing the knife pointing it to the head wound of George? Then pointing it to his own head, where the head wound would be. Beginning to push it slightly against his head. Taking it of again. Taking a closer look at the knife. Fancying the idea of hammering it in his own chest. Starting to treat the knife as a beloved child. Softly grabbing his arms around it. Cradling it as it would be child.

George!: It would not be the same.
Then pointing the knife to George? Again. Swinging it upon his body.
George!: Here is your identity. I can see it glancing, almost shining. Precious identity. Outstanding identity. Almost like everyone elses, but with a little touch of purple. The education of your honoured parents. How they taught you to become the human you are now. To have respect for every living being.
George! Pulls back the head of George?. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Do you notice the irony?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George!: They taught you to have mercy with the poor, give shelter to the weak, not to take advantage of your strength against them but to use it in order to protect them from evil. To deny your own evil inside. Locking up the beast which always finds its way out of its cage. Can you see how it starves inside you. For violence. For rape. For blood lusted murder. Free it I say. Free it, or let it die. You cannot keep it as a pet. Violence is nothing to be domesticated. But let us see what we have there, beside it. There is the heritage of your ancestors in your genes. Your intelligence. Your sharp sense of humour. Your mental disorder. But is it really in your DNA? Did it not evolve later on? At least we got your brown eyes, your light skin. Your membership card for the white race.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George!: There is the country you were born in. Where you decided to grow wise or old instead. Imagine you were born in Malaysia as a little child working in a shoe factory.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George!: Here is your gender.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.

George! Smashes the head on the ground over and over again evolving in a blood rage. He stands up and drags George? Around the stage. At some point he exchanges the body with a dummy filled up with animal organs. He drags the body to the place where George?s body lied before the blood rage. George! Takes up the knife again pointing it to the heart of George?-Dummy. Stabbing it and pulling the heart out of the chest.

George!: Here is your hatred for your neighbour.
He wipes the heart of the knife and throws the heart away. George! Is pointing at George? Testicles. Beginning to stab them and pulling them out of the chest.
George!: And here is your love for his wife.
He wipes the testicles of the knife and throws them away.
George!: No dignity. No honour. No mercy. No truth. No justice. No equality. No freedom. I cannot see them. What is dignity. Where is equality. Only Words. Nothing real. Have you touched honour, have you smelled truth, have you seen justice, have you heard mercy, have you tasted freedom. There are no such things in the world. You made them up. You came up with them to hold me down. You can’t hold me down any more. Look at yourself. You can’t even look at yourself any more. You came up with them to make me feel guilty. To make me feel ashamed of myself. But there are no such thing as guilt, there is no such thing as shame. Take a close look at the world and tell me where you can see guilt in it. Shame in it. I only can see flesh. Breathing, living flesh, bones, blood. Washing away the sweat and mud. The dirt and dust. Who is breathing? Not you. You rotten peace of past. Here you can see the blank future without the pressure of dignity, honour, mercy, truth, justice, equality, freedom. shame and quilt. If you could still see. Walking flesh, bones, blood. I see what I can see. I do not believe any more. I do not have to believe any more. No short cut. No you. No me. No saving the world. Only being in it. Only being.

















Scene

George! Stands alone on stage. On the screen behind him appear chaotic images of George! Pointing a gun at George? As well as George? Pointing a gun against his own head. Slight impressions of rain and a storming sea interrupt the scenery on the screen. Briefly three women appear from time to time between the film scraps. Observing the events on stage or even the reaction of the audience, the three women leave the impact of discomforting monitoring.

George!: Listen to me. Listen to the sound of my voice. At least I think it is me who is speaking. It sounds like my voice talking. But you can never be sure about that. There are too many voices to be certain. Too many for one mind. No I am sure this is mine. It is unlike the others. Older. As old as I can remember. The sound is. Less insane when I listen to it. (pause) You have to listen to me. All I want is to explain how it could come to this. All I ever wanted is you to understand. It is not my fault. They told me to take my part. To play my role. Every single one of them told me. There is no game without us taking part. There is no play without me playing my role. Even though it is a hollow play. And if I do not want my part if my role does not suit me they told me to take another one. The show must go on they said. But it is pathetic. One is as pathetic as anyone else. They told me to go on. To get through with my eyes shut if I have to. Just get through. To the other side maybe. I do not know. They did not tell me what to expect when I would have been through. At least then I would have been through they said. Would be finished with it. Would have completed it. IT. Whatever it is they were talking about. I guess I did not listen carefully enough when they told me. One moment you do not listen and a life time later you still wonder. Wonder what it could be you were looking for. They said it only is important that I keep going. No matter how fast or how slow. Steady and constantly going forward that is how it is done. Changing my direction if I must, but never lose sight of the goal. Whatever that might be. But enough of it. No point in arguing about the goals the ITs if you did not listen when they were explained. Have they even been explained? I cannot remember. Enough. Doing it right was another thing they said. It is not important to do it right. Just appreciated. Taking a turn if you should have gone straight still brings you somewhere. The goal is always hidden unseen till you get to it. If you do not follow the direct path you find another way another goal. No matter if you turn left or right if you turn backwards or continue the initial direction. Never lose sight of your goal. Do anything to achieve it. And if you wander around turn your sight somewhere else you might lose it forever. Just to find something different. A new path a new goal at the roadside. Something you did not expect to find there. So you follow the new path. Reach for the new goal. A different indeed. But it makes no difference. You have to understand. Goal is goal. A path remains a path. No arguing about that. Doing it right they said is just the way of not doing it wrong. But mistakes make us who we are. Always doing it right does not make us to who we are. Perfection is appreciated. It is not recommended though. I do not want to be who I am. But it does not make a difference to be who I am not.

During the above George? Appears on stage with an enormous head wound. Followed by the three women before seen on screen he enters and places a gigantic water container on stage filled with a vicious liquid. Attached to the water container is an underwater breathing device. After the container is in place they leave the stage again and bring in a solid metal cage. In the cage a filthy, rundown woman is captured. She is shacking and raging obviously covered with sweat and mud. After having left the stage for a second time they accompany a weak intimidated woman to a different corner of the stage. Sitting down she whines and whispers quietly.

During the following George? Steps closer to George! And repeats his lines. The images on the screen change to George! Looking towards the stage or even into the audience disrupted only a few times by the fading image of the three women. On the screen George! Starts the following lines. Shifted by a paragraph George? And George! On stage join the monologue one by one. All three overlap and collapse within the sounds of each other till hardly any distinct word can be perceived. Fading after a while only George! On stage is left with the last paragraph.

George! On screen: Once they told me I would be a ship in raging sea. Giant waves crushing against my prow against my rear. Throwing the boat from side to side yearning for the moment where it would break where it would capsize. No compass no stars to guide my way. Just black clouds ahead of me above me. The merciless sea beneath me around me. No saving port in sight. Nowhere.

































George! on screen: No one near to help me to rescue me. Just waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I am lost and alone. Wet to the flesh beneath my skin. Chilled to the marrow of my bone. Darkness filling up my blood pumping through my veins reaching for my heart for my soul. At the end of sorrow there is no light. Nowhere.


No silver lining on the horizon no way to flee. Only waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I lost control of my mind and started to scream started to shout. Merged my wrath with the breakdown of my lungs. Embraced the force which tried to kill me to destroy me. To become what I fear. I surrendered my live let the darkness inside.




George?: Once they told me I would be a ship in raging sea. Giant waves crushing against my prow against my rear. Throwing the boat from side to side yearning for the moment where it would break where it would capsize. No compass no stars to guide my way. Just black clouds ahead of me above me. The merciless sea beneath me around me. No saving port in sight. Nowhere.

No one near to help me to rescue me. Just waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I am lost and alone. Wet to the flesh beneath my skin. Chilled to the marrow of my bone. Darkness filling up my blood pumping through my veins reaching for my heart for my soul. At the end of sorrow there is no light. Nowhere.





















George! On stage: Once they told me I would be a ship in raging sea. Giant waves crushing against my prow against my rear. Throwing the boat from side to side yearning for the moment where it would break where it would capsize. No compass no stars to guide my way. Just black clouds ahead of me above me. The merciless sea beneath me around me. No saving port in sight. Nowhere.


George! on screen: Once they told me I would be a ship in raging sea. Giant waves crushing against my prow against my rear. Throwing the boat from side to side yearning for the moment where it would break where it would capsize. No compass no stars to guide my way. Just black clouds ahead of me above me. The merciless sea beneath me around me. No saving port in sight. Nowhere.

No one near to help me to rescue me. Just waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I am lost and alone. Wet to the flesh beneath my skin. Chilled to the marrow of my bone. Darkness filling up my blood pumping through my veins reaching for my heart for my soul. At the end of sorrow there is no light. Nowhere.




George?: No silver lining on the horizon no way to flee. Only waves crushing against the prow against my rear. I lost control of my mind and started to scream started to shout. Merged my wrath with the breakdown of my lungs. Embraced the force which tried to kill me to destroy me. To become what I fear. I surrendered my live let the darkness inside.



Once they told me I would be a ship in raging sea. Giant waves crushing against my prow against my rear. Throwing the boat from side to side yearning for the moment where it would break where it would capsize. No compass no stars to guide my way. Just black clouds ahead of me above me. The merciless sea beneath me around me. No saving port in sight. Nowhere.


George! On stage: No one near to help me to rescue me. Just waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I am lost and alone. Wet to the flesh beneath my skin. Chilled to the marrow of my bone. Darkness filling up my blood pumping through my veins reaching for my heart for my soul. At the end of sorrow there is no light. Nowhere.



No silver lining on the horizon no way to flee. Only waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I lost control of my mind and started to scream started to shout. Merged my wrath with the breakdown of my lungs. Embraced the force which tried to kill me to destroy me. To become what I fear. I surrendered my live let the darkness inside.



No silver lining on the horizon no way to flee. Only waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I lost control of my mind and started to scream started to shout. Merged my wrath with the breakdown of my lungs. Embraced the force which tried to kill me to destroy me. To become what I fear. I surrendered my live let the darkness inside.




















No one near to help me to rescue me. Just waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I am lost and alone. Wet to the flesh beneath my skin. Chilled to the marrow of my bone. Darkness filling up my blood pumping through my veins reaching for my heart for my soul. At the end of sorrow there is no light. Nowhere.



No silver lining on the horizon no way to flee. Only waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I lost control of my mind and started to scream started to shout. Merged my wrath with the breakdown of my lungs. Embraced the force which tried to kill me to destroy me. To become what I fear. I surrendered my live let the darkness inside.




Once they told me I would be a ship in raging sea. Giant waves crushing against my prow against my rear. Throwing the boat from side to side yearning for the moment where it would break where it would capsize. No compass no stars to guide my way. Just black clouds ahead of me above me. The merciless sea beneath me around me. No saving port in sight. Nowhere.

No one near to help me to rescue me. Just waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I am lost and alone. Wet to the flesh beneath my skin. Chilled to the marrow of my bone. Darkness filling up my blood pumping through my veins reaching for my heart for my soul. At the end of sorrow there is no light. Nowhere.

































No silver lining on the horizon no way to flee. Only waves crushing against my prow against my rear. I lost control of my mind and started to scream started to shout. Merged my wrath with the breakdown of my lungs. Embraced the force which tried to kill me to destroy me. To become what I fear. I surrendered my live let the darkness inside.
George! On stage: Silence!

Within the interference of words the three women step closer to George! After the last word George? Approaches the water container equips himself with the underwater breathing device and enters the tank where he remains.

Georgia’s (after a pause): We told him to remain calm facing the terror of nature. His terror. He could not change the waves could not drop his burden. He is a ship in raging sea. But if he withstands his wrath and stops screaming he might hear the silence
George!: Silence.
Georgia’s: after the storm. We helped him to set sail again. We helped him through the end setting a new course for a new beginning.

George! (after a pause): It is true. They told me how to control my anger. How to stay calm in the storm. But more importantly they told me about my anger first. They implanted the storm inside me. Until there was nothing else left in me but the storm. They told me not only which path to take. They told me that I have to take a path. To take part. Play my role. And who knows what would happen once they are gone. Once I am gone. Who would help me take control of the demons they left me with? What would happen to the demons when I am gone. I am no ship. I do not need metaphors explaining how miserably I am. Do you? I do not need images of storms and waves to tell me how to behave myself. I walked, slept, eat. I did everything everyone was doing before. I knew if I would be a ship. I am no ship. I am not taking part in their game any more. I am getting tired of this play they are forcing my into.
George! Slowly goes to the emergency exit.
George! (Pointing at George?): He found a short cut. I found a short cut for him. An hidden exit now lying behind him. To get to the start. Skipping the end. It lies in front of me still. (pointing at the emergency exit) The door did not close. It remains like a shimmering way out. Shining brighter than the game ever did. Once covered in lies, dreams and illusions. Hidden in disguise. Now it is the path most obvious to take. Take a close look. Watch around you. Can you see it? It could be a rope. A gun. A stone. It is as simple as that. A river. A pill. An injection maybe. No? You still cannot see it? You better take a look inside than. A refusal. A failure. A regret. Or maybe even deeper. A deceit. Isolation. Guilt. Especially guilt.
Turns away from the exit
But it is not my path to go. Not my door sill to cross. I do not want it to start again. I do not want to live through my sorrow another time. In fact I do not want to take any door any more. No direction. No road. No path lets to a goal I would want to achieve. I do not want to take my part any more. To play my role. I do not want to play at all. And I can not quit ether. Truly quitting might end the game but then it is still played just to start all over again somewhere else. I am tired of it all. I just want to end it. IT. I Just want to be. Be left alone at last.














Scene

George? Is lying faced down to the ground. The three women surround him. They are sometimes talking to him, sometimes to the audience. Treating him as a beloved child.

Georgia1: Can you hear the silence? Can you feel the waves calming down as you calm down? The rear the prow. Steady. Evening out. You did well. Your ship will find its course again. Believe us. You will find your way. Do not let it get to close to you. Shut your eye and withstand the anger. We know how you let your emotions take over sometimes. But you do not have to let them take control. We will help you to get through this. As we did before. As we always do.
Georgia2: He is like a child sometimes. Does not know what to do. Does not know how to behave himself. He was a wrack before we came. We came to help him. You should have seen him before we were here. Hardly doing anything at all. No purpose. No sense for what is important. No guidance.
Georgia1: But you do not have to worry about it any more. We are here again. We are here for you. Because of you.
Georgia3: You know we would be nothing without you. You would be nothing without us.
Georgia2: I remember a chair. I remember him sitting on it. Writing or something. Drawing maybe. Nothing particular as far as I remember. It makes no difference. We came to give him a purpose. To get him out of his misery. We started to talk to him. At first he just listened. Did not even react to what we were saying. But eventually we got to him. We got through and dragged him with us.
Georgia1: You would still sit in this chair if it would not be for us wouldn’t you? Still drawing little drafts or writing little sentences. You are lucky that we came.
Georgia3; As were we to find you there.
Georgia1: And we stayed with you prepared you for what would come next. Prepared you for the storm. We did what your little companion could not. He was nothing but yourself. Flesh bones blood. He was so similar to you.
Georgia2: We were different. As we are still. Pure. Essential. He was always a little different to everyone else himself. That is why we came in the first place. Someone else may not even listen to us.
Georgia1: First we even could not tell you apart. I still do not know who iswho. Well except now that it is obvious.
Georgia2: And eventually he even talked to us.
Georgia1: You believed us
Georgia3: But most importantly you did what we were telling you. You are such a good boy.
Georgia1: It is time. The storm is over. You can open your eyes again and set sail for the sun. It is time to stand up again. Continue steady and constantly. We will show you the way.
Georgia3: There is always a way you know. Always a path to take. Do not worry that you lost it. It is not easy we know that. No one said it would be easy. But it is good that you left behind what you needed to lose. We appreciate that.

Georgia3 tries to get George from the ground. He does not react. She tries to wake him, but every contempt fails.

Georgia2: We showed him to be proud of himself. We showed him that there is a meaning in his existence. We did not tell him what it was thus. What difference would it make. He needs a purpose. A meaning. It is not important what this meaning is. One path or the other. It does not matter. What would there be without meaning? We showed him how to walk with dignity.
Georgia1: Why do you not react? What is wrong? Did you not understand? Do not worry we will explain it to you.
Georgia3: He does not react.
Georgia2: He will. He always does. Eventually.
Georgia3: This time is different.
Georgia2: It makes no difference. We did it before and he will listen again. What else could he do. We are everything he got left. And he will be with us as we were with him before.
Georgia3: Not this time.
Georgia1: Do not despair. We are here to protect you. We are here to help you. There is no need to pretend to be dead. Death is not your path. You said it yourself. Open your eyes. Open your eyes just once and you will see how beautiful the world looks again. How quite it is afterwards. The waves are gone and all they left is peace. Joyful happiness awaits you. You just need to open your eyes for me. Just once so I know you can hear me. Just once so we know you are there.
Georgia3: He wouldn’t open his eyes. He wouldn’t listen to us any more.
Georgia2: This is preposterous. How could he not listen to us? We are all he got. There is nowhere to go for him without us.
Geogria3: He wouldn’t go anywhere.
Georgia2: Absurd. He has to go somewhere. There is nothing going on without him going somewhere. What does he think he is doing?
Georgia3: He wouldn't do anything.
Georgia2: Nonsense. He has to do something.
Georgia3: Well technically he is doing something. He is lying on the ground is he not?
Georgia2: That is hardly satisfying. Just lying on the ground without doing anything. There is no progress in lying on the ground. There is no forward no backwards, no left no right. This is not his role in our play.
Georgia3: It is not our play. It is his. And he is not playing any more.
Georgia2: That is impossible.
Georgia3: I know.
Georgia1: Listen to me. Please listen to me. Give me a sign that you can hear what I am saying. Just the smallest sign. A wink with your eyes. A quick move. Anything so I know we did not lose you. You know how we cared for you do you not? You know how helpless you were before we came. How fragile. How weak.
Georgia3: There is no point in it.
Georgia1: No one said it would be easy. But what is? You need to know that it will be worth it. You might not see it yet but I do. If you would just stand up again. Get moving again. The sorrow you witnessed. The burden you carried all this way would be for nothing if you do not continue. The end is not fare. I can already see it can you not? The grief will be forgotten. No pain any more. Can you not see the joy? The happiness? It is almost like a song echoing in my mind. The harmony. So peaceful. So elegant. Its soft notes dripping from a spoon like honey. Filling up the soul until nothing is left but serenity. It is a pity you can not feel it. But you could. You just have to get on your feet again.
Georgia3: Useless.
Georgia2: You are right. He does not listen. (pointing at George?) But he might. He found a short cut that is true. But he is still here with us is he not?
Georgia3: He ended it.
Georgia2: He can begin again.
Georgia3: We would have to start all over.
Georgia2: We did it before. We can do it again. There is always a way. Always a new beginning after the end.


Scene

The three women approach George? In the water container and remove the breathing device. The try to pull him out of the water tank but he resists. He screams, kicks and pushes them back. Eventually the three women push the container over and George? Remains lying faced down to the ground covered in liquid next to George!. He shacks and shivers unable to stand up slowly wiping of the blood of the head wound until it completely disappeared. In the meantime the women in the cage begins to riot harder. She wrests the bars of her prison, jumps uncontrolled from left to right until the cage is opened. She hunts the three women and drags them away from George? Until they leave the stage. During the above the whispering woman stands up goes to the cage and opens it. Then she approaches the three woman as they back off. As soon the three women are gone the the woman in the cage and the whispering woman pull the cage from the stage as well as the broken water container and leave. During the whole event it rains upon the stage. The rain consists of a mixture of mud and blood. The big screen in the back shows a padded cell illuminated by a dim light. As the three women leave the stage they enter the cell one by one facing the stage or even the audience and remain there. The action is accompanied by the constant repeat of the following speeches.

Raging woman: Its the heart of darkness. Under the sun of torture. The metropolis of the world. In the name of the victims. I discharge all the sperm I ever received. I transform the milk from my breasts into deadly poison. I take back the world which I gave birth to. Between my thighs I strangle the world that I gave birth to. I bury it in my crotch. Down with the happiness of surrender. Long live hatred, contempt, uprising death. When it walks through your bedrooms with butchers' knives you will know the truth.

Whispering woman: The river didn't keep me. The woman dangling from the rope. The woman with slit arteries. The Woman with the overdose SNOW ON HER LIPS. The woman with the head in the gas oven. Stop killing myself. Leave me alone with my breasts my thighs my womb. Crush the instruments of your captivity the chair the table the bed. Demolish the battlefield that was your home. I tear the door open to let in the wind and the scream of the world. I smash the window. With my bleeding hands I rip up the images in my head. The bed the table the chair. I set fire to the prison. I throw my clothes into the fire. I dig the clock that was my heart from out of my breast. I go out into the world, dressed in blood.
Scene

George! And George? Raise from the ground still covered in mud and blood. They switched roles so the actor of George! Is now George? And reverse. They bring in a table and place two chairs around it. Each one writes on a peace of paper. The written is projected on the screen while the transparent image of the three woman in the padded cell remains. The voice of George! And George? Is played in from off stage reading out loud what they write down.

Writing / George! George? off stage voices (monotonous untouched): Action. Confession. 02022001 08081969 26052006. A man leaves his house and attacks the first person he sees with a butchers knife. He goes back in his house. Steady. Calm. Reality. Illusion. The woman is found by a pedestrian. He calls an ambulance. He applies first aid. The man leaves his house again and attacks the pedestrian with a butchers knife. He goes back in his house again. Steady. Calm. Perspective. Insanity. The ambulance arrives. The man leaves his house again with his butchers knife. The ambulance can not help the bleeding bodies faced down to the ground. They watch them from the distance. Bleeding. Faced down to the ground. Liquids slowly dripping into earth. Mixing with its precious water. The man rages. He lost control. Starts to scream to shout. Merges his wrath with the breakdown of his lungs. Dreams. Hopes. The police comes eventually. A unit of eight policemen. Surrounding the man. Still keeping distance. He embraces the forces which are here to kill him to destroy him. One officer ends its. He shoots. In the leg of the man. He loses consciousness. His victims die in the hospital after hours of pain. The man survives. Gets to court. His defence? Voices. They told him. They told him what to do.

During the above the three women in the padded cell whisper. Sometimes understandable. Sometimes only noticed as a brief background noise.

Georgia's: Can you hear us? Listen to us. You did well. Very well. Do not let them judge you. They do not understand. You do not have to answer. Just listen. There is much to do. You just started your journal. We are here to guide you. To give meaning to your existence. We protect you. You are such a good boy. It was just a short slip. Nothing to serious. Nothing that can not be altered. Control your temper. Use it. Imagine the light we can dip you in. Imagine the dreams which could come true. You dream do you not? You dream almost all the time. Imagine the illusions we could bring to reality. We could bring to you. Lose yourself. Find us. Follow us. Embrace us. We are here for you. We wait for you. You are almost ready. Ready for us. You will stand up. Set course. We tell you the way. We show you the path. The light on the horizon. Can you reach the horizon? We wait for you. There we wait for you. We are the reason. We are your reason. Your meaning. You can sense it can you not? You can feel that you are different. You are special. Important. For us. Imagine the wonders you could see if you follow us. Imagine the miracles you could achieve with us at your side. Take a close look. This guilt inside you. It does not suit you. Their rules does not apply for you. Our rules apply for you. Be proud of yourself. You are free. Free what ever you want to do. Free to do what ever we tell you. It is true. We are true. We give you all the truth you need. Our truth. We will help you. We will protect you. We will have mercy with your miserable soul. There is nowhere you could go. Nowhere to hide. Without us on your side. We are all you got. All you need. And we will have mercy with you. We do not judge you if you make mistakes. Mistakes make us who we are. As long as you are. As you are ours.





















Scene

The three women leave the padded cell and enter the stage. They gently pass George! As well as George? And ensnare them. At the beginning George! And George? Sit a the table. Writing. Drawing. As the scene proceeds the three women undress George! And George? Clean them and dress them as they look at the very beginning. They remove the table and chairs until nothing remains on stage. George! And George? Do not resist but stay as passive as possible. The three women only talk to George! And ignore George? In their speech. The actors of George! And George? Are still reversed.

George!: Why am I here?





George!: I thought it would be over.




George!: But I found a short cut. He found a short cut for me.



George!: Why am I not alone?

Georgia1: You have never been alone.

Georgia2: But do not be scared. We are here for you. To protect you. To care for you.


George? (continuously throughout the scene):
Alone in raging sea. But there is no sea. There is no me. I am not. Not existing. There is nothing but darkness. Delightful darkness. And Silence. There is silence in the darkness. At last.
Not going. Not sleeping. Not eating. Not being. The end. The middle. But not a new beginning. I skip the beginning. So there is no middle no end. Just darkness. Over and over again darkness.
No road. No path. No guidance. There is no way to take there is no goal. There are no voices. Not my own. Not from another. Not speaking. Not going. Not being. Just silence. Silence within the darkness.
It has always been and will be forever. Nothing. Nothing will be forever. Not one not many. Nothing. I am not. I have never been.
For no one. No one brought me in this world. No one cared for me. No one needs me. I care for no one. I need no one. Embrace. Become. I honour nothing. I am no one.
Georgia3: Feel the warm sun upon your skin. The fresh water running beneath your feet. It is a delightful picture. Can you see it? You within an endless sea. You and us together. Side by side. Yearning for peace. For felicity.

George!: I want to be alone.

Georgia2: Be left alone? You do not want to be left alone. There would be no one to guide your way. To show you where to go. To tell you what lies ahead of you.

Georgia3: We can show you wonders you never even dreamed about. And you dream a lot do you not? We are here to make every wish come true.

George!: What are you doing? Something went wrong? What? Who am I?



Georgia1: Confusion. So much confusion. But not for long. We will tell you who you are. We will show you a way out of this misery. The only thing you have to do is to follow us. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Georgia3: Do not worry. We wouldn't harm you. We are here to help you. One step at a time and before you know it you will be within in the bliss of equilibrium.

No Face. No voice. No story. No page in the book of history. Not a glimpse. Not a word. Never existed as far as you know. No remains. No remembrance. I freed myself from what was left. Freedom and peace. At last.
I do not want to be any more. Not alone. Not one. Not many. I take my cut. And cut it short. Skip the rest until I my body is rotten to its bones. Not ashes. No remains. No memory.


I lose the illusions of life. I got rid of my hopes and wishes. Till nothing is left of me. Not holding my head straight. No seeking. No yearning. Not mercy. Denial and refusal.

No identity. No equality. Nothing to say about me. Nothing to say about the world. What is not born can not die. What did not rise can not fall. Pure. Essential. The clarity of the void surrounds me.
I know now. I know that I do not have to know. Without knowledge there is no truth. No rights no wrongs can keep me from vanishing. Not going. Not being. Not thinking. I do not think so I am not. Nothing more. Nothing less.
There is nothing to fear and nothing to love. Erode the shell of your believes until it collapses in itself. This is the justice of the gap. The in between.

Georgia2: But you are right. There is something wrong. There is one to many. He has to go for us to stay.

George!: But we were together since I can remember. He was helping me before you came.

Georgia1: You do not need him any more. Now that we are here to support you.

Georgia2: He Can not help you any more. He is nothing but yourself. Knows nothing but what you know.

Georgia3: We are a part of you now. The part he was taking. We need his place. We are not like him. Not like you. We are the pleasure you are missing. The purpose. Your meaning.

George!: What did he say? What solution?

Georgia1: We can show you who you can become. Who you are supposed to be. We know the solution too.

Georgia2: But you have to end it first.

Georgia3: End it. Now.



But it is not enough to be the pause. Silence is insufficient. Darkness still a perception.


You know it. As I know it. I am nothing but yourself. I am the emptiness in your heart. Get rid of me. As I get rid of this world.

Slay me down. Slaughter me. A thing of flesh, blood and bones. Do not ask for guilt or innocence. It makes no difference. I have thrown off the burden on my shoulders. The death does not trouble me any more. Shoot me or I do it myself. But it is not enough. I shoot me. I hack me. I pound me. Until I am not here any more. Until I am nothing and nothing forever. It is the only way. It is my way out. Let me go and I show you your path. That is the the solution. Can you hear me? It is the solution for both of us. I lead the way and you follow me.

Embrace the Darkness. Cover yourself in silence. Go beyond them. Do not look back. Never look back. Nothing goes to nothing. That is the only solution. The redemption. At last. Facing the void.
I have to end it.
end it. Now.


Scene

George? is lying faced down to the ground with an enormous head wound caused by a gun shot. Next to him lies a pistol. Behind him is a big screen where George! appears on. Both people look exactly the same, with the same appearance and the same cloth, apart from the head wound. The actors are still reversed.

George!: Suicide. Murder. Murder. Suicide.
George?: Suicide.
George!: Murder.
George?: Murder.
George!: Suicide. Rotten flesh, bones, blood. In sweat and mud. Covered by dirt and dust. Died in dignity. Spending death in his own excrements. Shivering, shacking, crawling for mercy. Unheard, unseen, but smelled. Badly Smelled. Tasted. Salty. Tees smashing crunchy worms, dry earth, rotten flesh, bones, blood. Covered by dirt and dust. In sweat and mud. Bugs obsessing the place where the consciousness used to be. Flies harvesting the space where we located the soul. But it is gone anyway. It is gone. Never been there. Or here. What is left is lying head faced down to the ground. Unable to breath, but unable to breath anyway. Faced down to the ground. Static ground. Solid ground. Adamant. Solid as a rock. Do not make room for this body. Do not let the dead poison your realms. His spoiled fluids dripping in your precious water. Yours is yours, mine is mine. Rotten flesh, to rotten flesh, bones, blood. Cover me with dirt and dust. In sweat and mud. Leave him here. Leave him to me. I will stay with him. I will care for him. I wouldn't slaughter him again, as he did before, as I did before. We did what we had to. We saved us. We saved the world. Our world. Leave him to me. Leave him to me, but leave. Leave us to ourselves. In dignity. Dignity at last. He got what I lost. He took it from me. With him it is gone. But I will find it. I will find it in his organs, in his veins, maybe. I will look for it in any single blood cell of his body. Of my body. It has to be somewhere.

George! Disappears from the screen and comes on stage, next to George? With a knife in his hand. Approaching George? Going down on his knees beside him, looking down on him. The knife put next to the pistol.


George!: It has to be somewhere. Tell me where it is.
George?: I can only tell what rotten flesh can tell. Rotten flesh, bones, blood. In sweat and mud. Covered by dirt and dust. But I remember a time different from the time now. A time where I knew nothing but myself. Yourself. I found a short cut. You found a short cut. My way out of the misery. Now I am here for you to find yours. You are on your own to find it. But I am here with you to find it. Do not wait do not hustle do not trust someone else to do the work for you. There is no one giving you redemption, there is no one giving forgiveness. Even if you seek it. I forgive you, as you forgive me. But we only know what we make us believe to know. Believe in what you know! I will make you believe in redemption, in forgiveness. If it is in you. Look if it is in you. Redemption of blood, forgiveness of flesh. Ripping it off from the bones of what you believe to be true.
George!: I cover myself in sweat and mud. In dirt and dust. Here: your body lying in front of me. Faced down to the ground. My body lying in front of me. Faced down to the ground. The head wound. Witness of our relation.

George! is grabbing the knife pointing it to the head wound of George? Then pointing it to his own head, where the head wound would be. Beginning to push it slightly against his head. Taking it of again. Taking a closer look at the knife. Fancying the idea of hammering it in his own chest. Starting to treat the knife as a beloved child. Softly grabbing his arms around it. Cradling it as it would be child.

George!: It would not be the same.
Then pointing the knife to George? Again. Swinging it upon his body.
George!: Here is your identity. I can see it glancing, almost shining. Precious identity. Outstanding identity. Almost like everyone elses, but with a little touch of purple. The education of your honoured parents. How they taught you to become the human you are now. To have respect for every living being.
George! Pulls back the head of George?. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Do you notice the irony?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George!: They taught you to have mercy with the poor, give shelter to the weak, not to take advantage of your strength against them but to use it in order to protect them from evil. To deny your own evil inside. Locking up the beast which always finds its way out of its cage. Can you see how it starves inside you. For violence. For rape. For blood lusted murder. Free it I say. Free it, or let it die. You cannot keep it as a pet. Violence is nothing to be domesticated. But let us see what we have there, beside it. There is the heritage of your ancestors in your genes. Your intelligence. Your sharp sense of humour. Your mental disorder. But is it really in your DNA? Did it not evolve later on? At least we got your brown eyes, your light skin. Your membership card for the white race.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George!: There is the country you were born in. Where you decided to grow wise or old instead. Imagine you were born in Malaysia as a little child working in a shoe factory.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George!: Here is your gender.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.
George! Pulls back the head of George? again. Shouting in his ear.
George!: Don't you feel guilty?
George! Lets go of the head. It falls down on the ground.

George! Smashes the head on the ground over and over again evolving in a blood rage. He stands up and drags George? Around the stage. At some point he exchanges the body with a dummy filled up with animal organs. He drags the body to the place where George?s body lied before the blood rage. George! Takes up the knife again pointing it to the heart of George?-Dummy. Stabbing it and pulling the heart out of the chest.

George!: Here is your hatred for your neighbour.
He wipes the heart of the knife and throws the heart away. George! Is pointing at George? Testicles. Beginning to stab them and pulling them out of the chest.
George!: And here is your love for his wife.
He wipes the testicles of the knife and throws them away.
George!: No dignity. No honour. No mercy. No truth. No justice. No equality. No freedom. I cannot see them. What is dignity. Where is equality. Only Words. Nothing real. Have you touched honour, have you smelled truth, have you seen justice, have you heard mercy, have you tasted freedom. There are no such things in the world. You made them up. You came up with them to hold me down. You can’t hold me down any more. Look at yourself. You can’t even look at yourself any more. You came up with them to make me feel guilty. To make me feel ashamed of myself. But there are no such thing as guilt, there is no such thing as shame. Take a close look at the world and tell me where you can see guilt in it. Shame in it. I only can see flesh. Breathing, living flesh, bones, blood. Washing away the sweat and mud. The dirt and dust. Who is breathing? Not you. You rotten peace of past. Here you can see the blank future without the pressure of dignity, honour, mercy, truth, justice, equality, freedom. shame and quilt. If you could still see. Walking flesh, bones, blood. I see what I can see. I do not believe any more. I do not have to believe any more. No short cut. No you. No me. No saving the world. Only being in it. Only being.